Dear Tossers...

I've been looking at suggestions for wording of wedding invitations, and to be frank the more I read the sillier everything seems. First of all, most of the guests are going to be there at the invitation of Gam and I, not my parents (although my parents are paying), so the etiquette that dictates that the invites must be from 'Mr and Mrs Sarah's-Parents' can go jump off a cliff. After all, Mum and Dad would scarcely know our friends from a bar of soap (although they surprised me recently by remembering what great goalie our friend Victor is from the one time they came along to our indoor football game).

I even had to strongly suggest to my Mum that she invite her cousins and one of her aunts because her cousin Sue invited her and Dad to her own daughter's wedding a couple of months ago. At the time I figured that must be one of those 'inviting everyone you've ever met so you can show off how much you're spending on the wedding' situations, given that Mum hadn't seen her cousin's daughter for years and years, but my cousin Rachelle told me that Sue said to her that the reason she invited them all was because she wanted to bring the family together for more than just the funerals- a sentiment I can really appreciate, so I thought I'd do the same. Also, Grandma's youngest sister is so nice and much more normal than Grandma, and I figured her presence might keep Grandma in line. Grandma's other sister (the one who surprisingly sent us an engagement card) is an invalid and wouldn't be able to travel.

Of course for Mum to invite one of her cousins she has to invite them all (6 or 7 people, including partners), several of whom I've either never met or haven't seen since I was very small (and most of them likely won't show), so it makes sense for the invites to be from her and Dad, not Gam and I. But I must say that Mum was very reluctant to have any input into the guest list at all, and it took pressure from me, Rach and Auntie Anne to convince her of the value in the idea. I don't even really like the idea of having people who are effectively strangers there, but I suppose the only reason Mum's side of the family are strangers is because no-one invites anyone to anything (that and the old 'tyranny of distance' thing, given that they're sort of scattered all over the place).

So yeah, there's the idiocy of us pretending not to do the inviting, and then there's the idiocy of the following advice for proper wording of invitations:

1. No punctuation is used except after courtesy titles (such as Mr. and Dr.)
2. Capital letters are treated like sentences, and are most often only capitalized as you would read wording like a sentence (not at the beginning of each line). Proper names and courtesy titles are also capitalized
3. Numbers in the date are spelled out and follow the day (Saturday, the second of July)
4. Years can or need not be used, but if you want to include it, be sure to spell it out (Two thousand and five)
5. Times are spelled out and refer to the placement of hands on a clock.
a. Half after two or half past two (not 2:30 p.m.)
b. Three o’clock in the afternoon (not 3:00 p.m.)
c. Seven o’clock in the evening
6. Formal invitations are usually written in third-person. For example, “Mr. and Mrs. Craig Chastain” instead of “We.”

My thoughts on that:

'One': Why no punctuation?
'Two': Fair enough.
'Three': What a waste of space- and surely numbers are easier to read?
'Four': How stupid- again, a real waste of space.
'Five': Sheer wankery- again, numbers are much more efficient.
'Six': Writing things as 'Mr and Mrs Guy's-name-and-surname' has always struck me as incredibly sexist.

As for this:

Traditionally speaking, the hosts name and address should appear on the response envelope. However life isn't as simple as it used to be, so you may need use your own discretion. Keep in mind that the bride and groom's names should not both appear on the response envelope; for many families and religions it is frowned upon for an unmarried couple to be living at the same address

Yeah? Once again- etiquette can go jump. I'll play that game for Grandma just so Mum doesn't get hassled, but anyone else can just suck it up.

Come to think of it, I'm not even sure why I'm looking up ideas for wording of invites. All people really need to know is what they're invited to show up for, where they're expected to show and what time to arrive. The only other thing I'll be adding is a plea for people not to fret too much about decorum and feel like they have to show up in a suit, given that the wedding is going to be in Brisbane in January and the temperature will likely hit 30+... hot enough for everyone to feel like jumping in the river even without wearing a suit!

As for the cost of invites, seeing what they can cost at this place in Milton (~$500-$1000+ for 75 invites), makes me very glad that we're effectively doing a DIY with my cousin Rach's help. I don't know how much it's going to cost, but it will be nowhere near that amount of money. Incredible, for a little piece of paper that most people will throw in the bin after a while!



On the other hand, it is a good excuse to buy some cool paper- I only wish I had an excuse to get some of these japanese chiyogami papers... no idea what I'd do with them, but they're so pretty!