Somebody get me an airbrush! My 'bikini body' 11 weeks after birth

I'll admit: at 11 weeks it's a little harder to be optimistic about the prospects of my body ever again fitting with my old self image than I was at 5 weeks post-partum.

At 63kg (5kg over my pre-pregnancy weight) I'm finally fitting back into 2 pairs of my old jeans (a size 12 and a stretchy size 10), but not only have my stomach muscles still not fully recovered- I still have a 2-finger-width diastasis recti and accompanying bulge- but the 'bounce-back' of my skin has slowed right down to the point where it isn't really possible to see an improvement week to week, let alone day to day. Things have definitely improved since 5 weeks, but my stomach is still a pretty depressing sight! The skin isn't quite so much like 'elephant skin' as it was at 5 weeks, it's more like normal skin but saggy. On the positive side, my bellybutton has been fading- I was kind of worried it would stay dark brown forever! Not that it looks anything like my old bellybutton unless I stretch back the excess skin, which is rather a sad and pathetic thing to do...

I actually had dream a couple of days ago where I was wearing a bikini. My stomach was very much in its current state and people were staring and talking about it. Not really a nightmare, but not really pleasant, either!

Once again, I took the photos in the harshest light I could find. It probably doesn't look that bad all the time (although it's worse if I curl up. Much worse).

Needless to say, if my stomach doesn't improve markedly I won't be wearing a bikini again. I look okay with clothes on, but still pretty bad without- funny, considering I used to think I looked better without! Gam would be pretty devastated to hear that there's a possibility I'll never wear a bikini in public again (he's been very positive about my body and probably wouldn't understand me wanting to wear a one-piece suit even with my stomach in its current state), but I'm not comfortable displaying it. I'm not at all comfortable displaying it here in these photos, either, but I suppose I consider it part therapy, part public service. Therapy for me, that is: probably the sight of it may well result in other people needing therapy!

I never liked to think of myself as vain, but I must be at least a little bit. Whenever I have a bit of an internal whinge about the skin sagginess and stretchmarks that wouldn't be there if only I'd given birth at 37 weeks (when Setri would already have been over 8lb!) I just tell myself that not many people manage to grow a 12lb baby and Setri's incredible cuteness more than makes up for my own very much diminished cuteness. That's putting a positive spin on things... I had enough years of hating my body when I was a teenager to go down that road again- it's very destructive.

I'm still terribly unfit, although my biceps have become a little bit toned just from hauling Setri around, which is pretty cool. Gam and I have been going for walks with Setri, but not on a daily basis, just a few times a week at most. I think I'm feeling ready to get back into running- hopefully my stomach muscles and pelvic floor are up to it.