LOL: Whitney's Aussie concert- SMH vs. Courier Mail

Too bloody hilarious. Here's the main story, on Whitney Houston's first Australian concert of her come-back tour from the Sydney Morning Herald website this morning...

And here's what Tonya Turner of the Courier Mail had to say about the same concert (copied and pasted verbatim in case the CM or Tonya suddenly develops an appropriate sense of embarrassment and tries to edit the article):

Whitney Houston still the greatest love of all

BEFORE there was Britney, there was Whitney. The vocal powerhouse began her first Australian tour in 22 years at the Brisbane Entertainment Centre last night to a packed house.

Although Spears may have stolen Houston's title of "best-selling debut album by a female artist", Houston blew her out of the water with her high-voltage stage show and singing prowess.

Houston, 46, opened the concert with the up-beat song, For the Lovers from her latest album, I Look To You, released in September.

Wearing a black mini-dress, knee-high boots and a trench coat, Houston cut a lean and toned figure as she strutted across the stage.

Relaxed and talkative with the crowd, the performer was in high spirits as she sang a number of songs from her new release.

She soon changed into a white suit to sing some of her biggest hits including Saving All My Love For You, The Greatest Love of All and I Wanna Dance With Somebody.

Her seven-piece band was pumping and although touring Korea and Japan has taken a toll on the strength of her vocals, Houston delivered a knock-out show.

And when she sang the epic note in I Will Always Love You, it was spot on, and the entire audience rose to their feet applauding and screaming.

Oh RLY?

Here's what the SMH review said about the same part of the same song:

But the final act, a string of groove-laden dance numbers and ballads, faltered at the finale when she croaked her way through I Will Always Love You, pausing to get a drink and towel off just as she was about to hit the song's epic high note, which she turned into a soft coo.

What's more, if you won't take the SMH's word for it, let's hear from the angry fans who commented on the CM's article (these are so good I couldn't just choose a handful!):

 

  

  

  

 

  

  

  

  

  

 

 

  

  

  

 

Ohhhh too funny. Hands up who thinks Tonya Turner phoned this one in? This is a new low in journalism even for the Courier Mail.

Creeeepy

My goodness. When a mother starts complaining that a man’s girlfriend has stolen her place in his life, that’s evidence that mum has issues. Apparently Mitchell Johnson’s mother is getting antsy that he takes his girlfriend Jessica Bratich on tour instead of her. No joke- to the point where she's yapping to the media. Of course a girlfriend gets treated differently from a mother, sweetheart, and it’s creepy that you think it ought to be any other way.

And if I was in Johnson’s shoes, I’d be keeping my distance too. Yikes.

Michael Jackson

So, he's dead. It was hard to think of someone as obviously fragile as Michael Jackson ever making it to a ripe old age. Indeed, with his contribution to the world of music being so far in the past and with him being about to be trotted out on stage with a cattle prod at his rear for a series of concerts engineered to pay off his creditors, it was hard not to think of him as effectively being dead already. I felt sorry for him. He didn't seem to have the level of understanding necessary to function as an adult in the world, and while I would impute to most people a degree of responsibility for the way they behave and live their lives, Jackson didn't seem capable of that kind of undertaking.

While he was twice accused of child molestation, it was pretty clear that in each case the child's parent was an avaricious scumbag out to milk their child's supposed misfortune- and Jackson- for every penny they could get. That Jackson behaved inappropriately whatever the case was true, but the parents' actions only served to disguise whether or not he was guilty of the crimes he had been accused of. And the world was, by and large, happy to make assumptions regardless of the outcome.

All that served to detract from the greatness of a man who was a musical genius. Maybe even the Mozart of the 20th century. Michael Jackson was not only talented to a degree rarely seen, he was an original artist, something the largely talentless pop singers and 'musicians', the derivative hacks of today who claim him as their idol could never credibly claim. Like so many other child prodigies, it is difficult to tell whether the early talent Jackson displayed was merely the product of the hours of forced practice and abuse from his father, but that he went on to produce so many great works as a young man is strong evidence for inherent genius. He was musically amazing.

Unlike maybe most of my generation, I didn't grow up listening to Michael Jackson. For almost my entire childhood my parents did not have a TV in the house. Nor were we ever allowed to tune into commercial radio or even Triple J- a rule instigated by my Dad that I ignored once I hit my teenage years. Incidentally, I find commercial radio extraordinarily irritating because of its 'personalities', but without spending a lot of money on cassette tapes or CDs it was the only place to go for an education in pop music at the time. So Michael Jackson certainly wasn't a part of my life in the way he was for many people my age and older. I don't remember when I heard my first Michael Jackson song. When I 'discovered' Michael Jackson it was largely via illegal downloading in my first year or two of uni, and by that time I remember feeling like it was a taboo to admire him as an artist. But the first music video I ever remember seeing was 'Black or White' in 1991. I was 7 or 8 years old and at my primary school best friend's house (her family was 'normal', meaning they ate junk food and had a TV). I've seen the video since, and it's nothing special on its own, but the song, like so many of Jackson's works, still is. I remember my friend's mum saying how funny it was that Michael Jackson should sing a song like that given that he used to be black and had become white. My friend and I were shocked to learn that he used to be black!

Speaking of shocked, I was taken aback to hear Michael Jackson compared on one of the free-to-air TV stations' new programmes the other night to Madonna. Maybe whoever dreamt that up was confused by the difference between popularity and musical talent. All Michael Jackson and Madonna had in common, apart from being incredibly popular, was the fact that they were both plastic freaks who haven't resembled a normal human being in a long, long time. Michael Jackson's plastic nose had more talent than Madonna. When Gam and I have kids, Michael Jackson will undoubtedly be part of their musical education but Madonna will merely be part of history. Or maybe she will still be dragging her bony, botox-filled bottom around the world like the Rolling Stones and everyone will be wishing she was history. She might have a place in pop, but she doesn't have a place in music.

As for kids, let's wish MJ's kids all the best and hope they don't grow up too fucked up. No-one should expect, or exploit, them to fill his shoes. Everyone should concentrate on giving them the love and support they need to grow up into good-hearted and functional human beings. By all accounts Michael Jackson was a good parent to his three kids, so let's hope whoever is tasked with raising them from now on can manage the same.

Instead of buying babies, Salma breastfeeds

I would just like to say how awesome it is for Salma Hayek to have single-handedly booted western attitudes towards breastfeeding forward by a century or so by cross-nursing a little baby in Sierra Leone. It's really unfortunate that in this day and age, even in Australia, people are willing to express negative attitudes towards breastfeeding and actively discourage mothers from doing so. I was really, really pleased to see overwhelmingly positive comments even on sites like the Courier Mail that are usually a conservative clusterfuck of a hatefest. Hopefully the example of Salma Hayek will go a long way to ensuring a permanent change in the way society views this perfectly natural practice that is still the only way to ensure that babies are optimally nourished- and that includes cross-nursing, wet-nursing or the provision of donor breast milk when the mother is unable to breastfeed.

Gah!

So Michael Phelps likes to get high. Big fucking deal, that would make him exactly like all the alcohol drinking, ciggie smoking, prescription abusing people in the world. The only reason it's a big deal is that the fact that you can become the most successful olympian who ever lived AND hit the pipe on a regular basis blows a big hole in the 'don't try drugs because you will die' argument.

Illegal drugs aren't really that dangerous. Hollywood is filled with people who abuse cocaine and heroin every day and the occasional death involving drugs is more likely to involve prescription drug abuse, like Heath Ledger. In this list of notable drug deaths, the people NOT highlighted are probable unintentional drug deaths. This obviously doesn't include people who made medical conditions worse. Note the presence of alcohol and the TOTAL FUCKING ABSENCE of mary jane. Bad drugs, cut with god knows what, is what kills people. If you're a hollywood star you can afford top quality drugs which makes dying from them that much harder, just like how deaths from poorly distilled alcohol dropped when the prohibition ended in the US.

If anything all the tut tutters should STFU and be happy that Phelps picked an illegal drug that's safe as houses as opposed to the cocaine and heroin preferred by pretty much everyone who's supposed to be a 'role model' for kids. If Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan can still appear on magazines aimed at kids Phelps can still be a swimmer.

Matt McConaughey hot solo beach fun

A minute ago I stumbled across the above (evidently photoshopped) pictures of Matthew McConaughey, a.k.a Michelle's husband, on Defamer Australia. I'm not sure what the point of the pictures is, other than someone having some naughty, juvenile fun with photoshop, but I'm not beneath appreciating crude and juvenile photoshop humour. It would be a hell of a lot more funny if it was a job on someone who might actually be offended by it, but with every picture of Nicole Kidman depicting her in a state of near deathly rictus I suppose it wouldn't look nearly as authentic.

Christmas Comes Early

Nicole Kidman (yes, those are both pictures of her) has not had any plastic surgery (she only uses sunscreen) and is very butthurt. Please watch Australia as many times as you can, 'sunscreen' doesn't pay for itself

Nicole Kidman is so butthurt by criticism by Australia (a giant turkey by all accounts, Margaret Pomeranz liked it and she looks like a maltese poodle with 'roo testicle earrings, come on!) that she's going to spend Xmas in America, where they hate her shitty movie even more. The only reason this dreck is making any money at all is because there simply aren't any movies to watch. There's nothing, it's like a movie wasteland. I reckon it's the worst Xmas period for movies since 1994.

NICOLE KIDMAN has been so hurt by the personal attacks on her since the release of Australia, she will stay in America for Christmas.

A close friend said the Oscar winner was upset at not celebrating daughter Sunday Rose's first birthday in Sydney.

"She's been so upset by all of it," the friend said. "It really has devastated her."

Although Kidman has received some positive reviews for her role as Lady Sarah Ashley in the Baz Luhrmann epic - including from respected ABC critic Margaret Pomeranz - much of the media attention, at home and abroad, has been negative.

"People seem to to be really going for her; I don't quite get it," Kidman's friend said.

"Many of Australia's own critics gave her strong praise in the role - why are we ignoring what our own critics are saying? It seems very unfair - and it is very distressing for Nicole."

Even longtime allies of Kidman have been on the attack. Deborah Thomas, editorial director of Australian Women's Weekly, ridiculed her on Channel Nine's Today show last week for saying she had only used sunscreen to keep her face looking youthful. Thomas urged Kidman to be more open about any cosmetic procedures she might have had.

SMH

Lol! because Nicole has never had ANY plastic surgery! Though her eerie translucence could be explained by sunscreen, SPF 500 sunscreen, and being dead for 3 days.

Madonna horror show

How frightening must it be to wake up next to Madonna in the morning? Jeez. It's hard to understand how plastic surgery is so popular when it has a walking warning label in the form of Madonna. Not to mention the undereating/over-exercising that led to those arms.

*Sputter*

What the fuck is wrong with the News Limited papers?

Some WalMart employee in the US stole a picture of Britney Spears' younger sister Jamie Lynn Spears breastfeeding her baby daughter.

How on earth someone hears 'breastfeeding' and thinks "PORN STORM!!!!" is just totally beyond my comprehension. I believe it was The Sun in the UK that came up with the headline, but fellow Murdoch News Limited rags in Australia decided to appropriate it wholesale. To the 'journalists', sub-editors and editors at News Limited who had anything to do with okaying that 'article' for display on your websites- you are a despicable bunch of twisted perverts and should be ashamed of yourselves.

The good news here is that despite being a poor role model for teenage girls in the US by not practicing safe sex, Jamie Lynn is at least setting a good example to her multitude of pregnant teenage peers by breastfeeding, in a country with one of the poorest rates of breastfeeding in the world. Wouldn't that be a better focus for a news item?

Are the Democrats too gutless for Obama to win?

Lately I've been having the same sinking feeling in my stomach regarding the Obama campaign as I had for the Kerry campaign in 2004. Kerry was a pretty shithouse candidate, but what really did him in was the Democrats' 'play nice' strategy. Extending the hand of friendship at the same time as their Republican opponents were kicking them in the nuts.

Like, oh, the entire world, I'm rooting for an Obama win. So it galls me to witness the Dems blithely going about and making the same mistakes that lost them the '04 election.

I guess I'm not the only one suffering that frustration- New York Times columnist Bob Herbert has written a column that asks why liberals, i.e. the Democrats, are such nutless wonders when it comes to responding to Republican smears.

Why?

I've seen it written that Obama doesn't want to get too nasty for fear of being accused of playing 'traditional politics'. Well that's clearly not going to be the case, whatever the 'liberal' media's accusations, because the tradition for Democrats is playing nice and losing elections. A 'strongly-worded' response by Obama to ridiculous Republican smears consists of accusing his opponents of being 'phony'. I know that the majority of Americans are pretty stupid. Their current government is evidence of that (don't feel bad, guys, Australia isn't that much better). But the Democrats are running against the party whose current president is surely the worst in the entire history of the United States, and one of the most disastrous leaders of a country in modern history. They are running against a doddering old man with a history of cheating on his wives, who called his current wife a trollop and a cunt, and whose recent political history consists almost entirely of uncritical endorsements of every policy produced by the Bush administration, and a woman who believes the earth is only 6000 years old. The McCain-Palin pairing is a gold-mine for all sorts of potent political attacks. If the Democrats can't win what ought to be a dead-cert (even if you count the substantial impact of racism on peoples' voting decisions) they ought to be shut down altogether. Put out of their fucking misery.

While a celebrity isn't usually the sort of go-to guy any sensible person would approach for some political comment, Matt Damon has some very pertinent questions for shrill creationist/pro-forced-pregnancy/pitt-bull-mom Sarah Palin:




Clip from AP, via Defamer Australia.

Freaky-looking Hollywood child stars

I knooooow it's mean to make fun of someone because of the way they look. But I just have to ask- what the hell is it with child stars? Hollywood chooses the freakiest-looking kids for starring roles, but then somehow they grow up even weirder-looking, into these bizarre alien-looking freaks. Take Haley Joel Osment- it's like he has some weird condition where his facial features never age beyond 6 years but the rest of him grew up. So it looks like 6-year-old Haley Joel's face has been photoshopped onto the 20-something star of some teen soapie :




Argh! And don't even get me started on Macaulay Culkin and his even freakier-looking brothers.

How does Hollywood breed these creatures?

Open letter to the SMH:

Dear Sydney Morning Herald,

You've got to be fucking kidding, right? This is worthy of the main story on your front page?




What is this, the fucking Daily Telecrap? First of all, who cares that Nicole Kidman succeeded in spawning a child? Secondly, who can even prove that the picture featured has anything to do with Nicole Kidman or said spawn? Give us a break- how about some real news?

My name is Jeremy Clarkson- and I'm a wanker.

As if we needed any more proof that Jeremy Clarkson is a world-class twat, here is a picture of him promoting drink-driving, gin and tonic in hand:

Like, so I bought this baby...

While reading some tabloid story on one of the News Limited websites today I clicked a link to the Vanity Fair website that contained a blowjob of Angelina Jolie. Seriously, it was so sycophantic that to call it an interview would disgrace real interviews.

I read the whole thing. God knows why I did, but I came across the following gem. Now, you know when you're going to get a new pet, say, a puppy or some tropical fish... You know how you read up or ask around to get information on what to feed your puppy, or how to set up a tank for those fish? Common sense right? So you'd think when you're buying adopting a baby you'd want to find out all about the things that are necessary to keep that baby alive and happy, right? Before you wound up with a baby in your arms, saying something along the lines of "Oh shit, what do I do now?!"

Not if you're Angelina Jolie!

I asked what that first adoption was like.

“A nurse came with Maddox and left 10 minutes after handing him over,” she said. “I stared at this little guy. I didn’t know what to do. I called my mom. I remember saying, ‘Do kids have 2 or 10 bottles a day? I’m at a loss.’ I had never babysat, let alone … ”

I swear, I did not just make that up. You can see it for yourself here.

Martin Kelly

When I heard about 'celebrity plastic surgeon' Martin Kelly, husband of Californication star Natascha McElhone, dying at age 43 of a heart attack last week, I had a bit of a "why is this news?" moment. Terribly sad for Natascha McElhone, who is pregnant with their third child, and their two little boys, but there wasn't any indication that the world had lost a man of such importance to warrant that kind of international attention.

It wasn't until I read Martin Kelly's obituary in the Guardian that I realised exactly who the headlines had been about. I made a blog post back in 2006 about Martin Kelly's work for a charity, Facing the World. I can't believe that the first reference I saw to this was in his obituary. Martin Kelly's death wasn't just a tragedy for his family. He changed a lot of kids' lives for the better with his work, and no doubt the potential to change many more. I hope the guy he founded it with, Norman Waterhouse, manages to continue that work. You may have missed hearing about it in the news, with all the celebrity fluff the media reports of his death contained, but the world actually lost someone of great value this time. Here's the Guardian article that first inspired me to write. Somehow I feel that this side of the man is more worthy of attention than the fact that he reconstructed some famous crackhead socialite's nose. But you wouldn't guess from the way his death was covered.

Eva Mendes Vogue pinups

Eva Mendes has posed for Italian Vogue. The main reason it's made the news is because she's showing boob in some of the shots, but my favourite was actually this one- it's right up there with some of the best vintage pinups. Hawt.

It's not real...

Will the real Madonna please stand up?
From Defamer

Every time I read an article like this, I swear to myself I'm not going to let that happen to me. Women who get facial fillers and botox and collagen injections convince themselves they're looking younger because their faces blow up a bit and smooth out a wrinkle or two, but all that happens is they wind up looking like someone who's had expensive cosmetic procedures on their face.

And how sad is this?

A mother of three, who wants to be known only as "Jan", says she began regular Botox and filler treatments four years ago, when she turned 42.

They cost $3500 a year. Her husband doesn't know but she's upfront with other women who, she says, often say she looks younger [...].

"I'm self-conscious about the money side and don't like to rub it in. It is all relative to income and it's something I can afford."

She plans a facelift "in due course" but says: "I'll have to wait for my husband to go away on business."

So she has stuff done and not only hides it from her husband but her husband doesn't even notice when she has her face pumped full of crap. Must be a fantastic marriage.

I've said it to Gam often enough, but I'd like to make a public declaration that no matter how badly I age I'm not ever going to undergo anything more invasive than a gentle exfoliant and a decent moisturiser in an effort to look young. If I have to be a lesson to young girls that they should listen to their mothers and wear sunscreen on their faces when they leave the house, so be it.

It's not like I don't have a certain amount of vanity. A few months ago I finally got jack of having constant mild acne; at 24 I felt way too old for that shit, and while it had improved somewhat, I still had horrible hormonal flare-ups once a month. So after years of suffering my insecurities, Gam finally got me to ask our doctor what I could do. I'd already tried a mild version of the pill at the suggestion of another doctor; all I got from that were bad mood swings. Dr Maria suggested eryacne, an antibiotic gel, and and differin, a topical retinoid. They are only available on prescription and cost $30-something per tube, but they worked and boy was I thankful. My cousin Rach and my brother Richard both have bad skin like mine, and when I told Rach about these topical anti-acne treatments she sympathised, saying that her mother (like my own parents) had never suffered acne and so she was forever getting the useless "it's because you eat chocolate" advice. I'm so glad to be finally rid of it. But what with my bad skin and all I've had to go through with my teeth (nearly over, thank god), I've had enough of being insecure about my appearance to last me a lifetime. A wrinkle, unlike a pimple, causes no physical discomfort. A wrinkle, unlike my teeth until they're fixed, doesn't stop me from being able to bite into an apple. At worst my makeup might settle into a crease and look a little funny, but if it came down to a choice between having needles stuck in my face at a cost of thousands of dollars or just not wearing makeup, I'd choose not to wear makeup.

Thankfully I haven't had to think about what to do if I started finding grey hairs on my head, but given the genes on my Mum's side of the family I wouldn't be surprised if I had to cross that bridge soon. I stopped dying my hair after we visited Ghana because I was too ashamed to spend even $15 a month on home hair-dye after I'd met people getting by on a dollar or two a day. And then there's the thought of all the chemicals and crap that go into the stuff. It's hard to justify when I look at it from that point of view, even though changing hair colours can be a lot of fun. I think my Mum looks great at 50 with a full head of silver hair, but I'm not sure I can handle the in-between of salt-and-pepper (or, more likely in my case, brown-and-grey) for the two decades leading up to that point!

As far as women torturing themselves to 'look good' on their wedding day, I largely avoided falling into that trap: I went for a 'hair and makeup' trial, convinced I was too hopeless to do either my own hair or makeup, and came away convinced that at least I could do better than a makeup artist. I was already horrified at the potential expense but decided to go ahead with the hair, but if I were to do it over again I'd probably do the hair myself too, given that the hairstyle fell out within an hour or two. As far as fake tans, dieting, plastic surgery, manicure or other forms of self-abuse go, I was never interested. And in the end, if I'd showed up wearing jeans and a t-shirt and no makeup I would have had just as fantastic a time. But if you believe the bridal magazines, every single second of the day must be choreographed from beginning to end, starting a good 18 months or so prior to the wedding, and you need to spend a whole lot of money in order to look good enough to feel good about yourself on the day. The size of the industry devoted to making women feel bad about themselves so they can be convinced to buy products they're told will make them feel better about themselves is just enormous. It's so crazy.

I guess that's what scares me the most about seeing middle aged and older women still insecure about the way they look- the idea that someone could spend their whole lives trying to live up to something that isn't even real is really quite sad. While I'm actually pretty happy with myself and just figuring out where to draw the line, seeing people who have sprinted past it and are heading for a mirage on the horizon instead makes me feel quite a lot of antipathy towards whatever it is in our society to cause that to happen.

UPDATE: I just wanted to add that I hope Therese Rein tells all the wankers who 'helpfully' offered style tips and criticised her for wearing the same pair of shoes more than once to jump off a fucking cliff. Who are they to tell a successful, well-educated woman like her what to wear? And who says a woman can't be photographed wearing the same shoes twice in a row? I mean, Kate Moss has apparently been named best-dressed woman in the world and she's a skanky crack-ho who doesn't dress particularly well but for some reason the fashion sheeple love to fawn on her. Come on. Let substance prevail over the dictates of style for a change and let Therese wear whatever the hell she wants. At least she's not wearing what everyone else is wearing.

Lou Who?

Lou Ferrigno at Supernova, left, and as The Incredible Hulk.

After reading this piece on the Brisbane Times website, we just realised that the 'roid-armed guy who we saw hopping into the back seat of a car (with some African American guy, maybe the one in the background of the photograph, and some woman- it looked like quite a squeeze) at the Hilton Hotel on Thursday afternoon was the original Hulk, Lou Ferrigno! It was only a couple of days earlier that Gam was showing me old clips of The Incredible Hulk on YouTube... I guess we didn't recognise old Lou without the green bodypaint!

Bono

bono

Bonehead more like. A talentless dwarf irish schlock rock singer who's been releasing the same overblown pompous wank rock song over and over again since 1980. A man who's level of understanding of geopolitics is around GCSE level but who insists on lecturing us all on how to save the world. A prick who goes on about 3rd world poverty all the time yet is strangely silent when it comes to really political issues like Iraq. In fact, worse than that, the little twat sucks around Tony Blair (the man responsible for hundreds of thousand of deaths in the middle east), has photo opportunities hugging the cunt and tells us all to vote for him! He even donates his crappy 'beautiful day' song for cunt Blair to use as his election theme. Oh yes Bonehead, I bet its a beautiful day in Iraq you fake little fuckwitted douchebag. In fact it gets worse, the horrible ugly sunglassed asswipe organises 'Live 8' with his arselicker-in-chief Bob Geldof to 'make poverty history' (I can really see that working - watching a bunch of over the hill has-beens flogging their latest album is really gonna make a difference to starving children in Africa) but really to drag up a bunch of his corpse mates from the 80's and flog a few albums. Then all the performers and their entourages who are all supposed to be doing this for charity (about 300 people altogether) get a £5000 goodie bag (containing Ipods, chanel perfume etc) to take home with them as a thank you! (Laughable. You couldn't make this stuff up. He then makes it a condition of the gig that (because war criminal Blair is his mate) no performers are allowed to mention Iraq, Afghanistan or Bush and Blair. What a horrible, hypocritical little wanker. 'In the name of love' my fucking arse. In the name of money more like. Fuck off and die in Mortal Kombat style pain you smug twat!

Bono? Isn't he that shortarsed little twat who's always lecturing us on how to save the world? The talentless, phoney, fuckwitted cunt.

I bet that was satisfying!

Funniest 'news' of the day

Australian model Kristy Hinze says she was instantly attracted to her 63-year-old boyfriend, Texan billionaire Jim Clark, by his intelligence.

Baahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Because if he'd been... I don't know... a research scientist making $60 000 a year she'd have totally gone for it... yeah. Totally.

More like she was instantly attracted to Grandpa the dude because certain women have an area in their brain which exhibits magnetic properties for gold. I mean, dear god... she's only 3 years older than me. Okay I'll be nice: for an old guy he looks pretty good- well preserved. Attractive? No way! I bet his daughter is older than Kristy Hinze... There's nothing more gross than an old guy dating someone who is the same age or younger than his own children.