Pollyspotting: Ross Daniels

Ross Daniels, Labor candidate for Ryan, happened to be campaigning outside Toowong Village shopping centre when we went there a couple of hours ago. He happily posed for a photo, which one of the ladies with him took using our camera (making sure to get the shopping centre tower in so people could tell where we were!).

We wished him luck -and boy do we ever, even though we'll probably both vote Green- but he'll need more than that to overturn Michael Johnson's massive margin and grab the seat. Too many wealthy Howard-lovers here... in fact, whenever a bitchy, expensively-dressed housewife tries to run us over with a shopping trolley in Coles, Gam and I often look at each other and say "Liberal voter!".

Eco-egg, or eco-fraud?

The announcement of an inquiry by the ACCC into the eco-wank or 'greenwashing' phenomenon (i.e. the branding of every second item from tacos to toilet cleaner as 'eco', without necessarily any environmental credentials to back them up) seems aptly coincidental with our spotting of some eggs in a very fancy yellow carton of relatively space-age design. Calling themselves 'Wattle Ridge- the environmental egg' (in green print, of course), the package endlessly spruiks the product's eco-cred. You could almost be fooled into thinking that the product wasn't a cage egg- in fact those whose eyesight isn't so sharp might be fooled very easily indeed, given that the mandatory printing of the word 'cage' on the package happens to be in a slightly darker shade of yellow on the yellow background. Yellow on yellow- yeah I'm sure they really want you to know it's a cage egg raised by hens permanently stuck in wire cages.

Pace Farms, which produces the eggs, claim on their site that

The layer cage design exceeds the 2008 requirements for space allowance per hen, contains facilities for perches, self grooming, environmental controls, automated feeding and watering systems.

Regardless, there's no mention of that on the fancy yellow and green packaging as far as I could see. No mention of cages at all, aside from the aforementioned yellow-on-yellow print that's barely visible. And that doesn't detract from the fact that cages are cruel. The 2008 requirements are a step up from the previous standard, which were absolutely obscene in the level of cruelty allowed to be acted out on laying hens, but that doesn't take away from the fact that these are still cage eggs.

Don't be fooled by the pretty green writing- buy free range organic. That way the hens are happier and you're also not eating antibiotic residue that producers of non-organic eggs feed to the hens to increase production and pre-empt mass illness due to the overcrowded conditions.

I keep forgetting the camera when we go to the St Lucia Coles (the Wattle Ridge eggs don't appear to be available at the larger Toowong Coles), so I snapped a crappy quality pic on the mobile- the dodgy effort to hide the word 'cage' by using practically invisible print is still quite evident.

Abbott disparages a dying man

How's the Howard government's dental health plan coming along, Tony?

From The Australian:

It was a terrible day for Mr Abbott who earlier today had apologised to asbestos diseases campaigner Bernie Banton after an outcry over his questioning the motives of Mr Banton, who is dying from asbestos-related cancer.

Mr Banton had been lobbying for a drug to be subsidised under the Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme.

Along with flag waving protestors, Mr Banton yesterday delivered 17,000 signature's on a petition to Mr Abbott's Manly electorate office. It was the third attempt but Mr Abbott was not there.

Mr Abbott later labelled the event a ''stunt'' and said Mr Banton's illness did not mean he was ''pure of heart'' , but this morning rang Mr Banton to apologise for his comments after a wave of protest.

Yeah, because a guy with a terminal illness lobbying for government subsidisation of a drug that will do nothing to save his life, just make the lives of other people with the same terminal condition a bit better is just the very picture of self-interest.

Tony Abbott has demonstrated on so many occasions that he is wholly lacking in humanity and empathy. Some health minister. The man makes me sick.

And where is John Howard in all of this? Alexander Downer? The men so vocal with their feigned outrage in the 'defense' of warmongers two parents of a British soldier are nowhere to be seen when it comes to Abbott's attack on a dying man trying to do something to help fellow sufferers during the last months of his life.

Roxon Abbott Debate

No worm. Boo!

Mr Abbott was due to arrive for a 12.30pm debate with Ms Roxon, but arrived at 1.05pm, about 20 minutes after the debate commenced.

The minister was travelling to the national capital from Melbourne, where he made a major health announcement with Prime Minister John Howard.

The event went ahead anyway and Ms Roxon, given the right to speak first, was visibly angry.

Roxon: (not 'visibly angry' at all- in fact looking rather pleased about this golden opportunity to put the boot into Abbott) Makes cracks about having to debate herself. Lays into abbot for not turning up. Whack whack whack. [Let's hope tony is delivering a baby on a freeway somewhere rather than expecting the debate to wait for him while he makes pompous 'policy' announcements in Melbourne.] We have big challenges to face blah blah, blame game. Relates state-fed health situation to a bad marriage. Mentions aboriginal children, next generation etc. Mentions preventive health and cracks about picking a hospital in a marginal electorate... We're gonna take responsibility, and invest heavily, [maybe there might be a pay rise for speech pathologists... what? what? the fuck you lookin' at?], talks about nursing etc blah blah. Talks about her and Rudd revealing a plan to have hospital report cards later today. Says Abbott has always been against health reform (unless it's taking us back to the 14th century and forced childbirth). Talks about the piecemeal political quick-fix tactics under Abbott. Talks about how Abbott attacked Bernie Banton (nice one, Tony). Mentions how the Federal government are underfunding the states. (Roxon takes her time, not having anyone to debate... rousing applause at the end).

[There's still no one to debate. Roxon takes questions].

Danielle Cronin Canberra Times: Is labor going to run out of money to pay for hospitals?

Roxon: The $2 billion plan is a long term commitment and we'll invest more. Will prioritise health negotiations and have actually put up money to fund them, unlike the government.

Abbott: (still hasn't bothered to show up)

Mark something, smh: (Noting his question was intended for Tony Abbott, but Roxon may as well have a go at it anyway) Talks about how the Medicare safety net tends to benefit rich people.

Roxon: Good crack about being able to do an impersonation of Tony Abbott to answer the question- it's quite good apparently. Talks up private sector, looks like she's committed to propping up the parasitic private sector with taxpayer money. Talks about improving bulk billing etc and making Medicare better available.

Laura Tingle, Financial Review: Go through how the healthcare agreement negotiations will proceed given how you're gonna work with the states but reserve the right to act like the government if they don't play ball?

Roxon: Talks about targets and how the commission will help determine targets. Will start talking to the state health ministers the day after the election. Points out how Abbott couldn't be bothered to do the same in a timely fashion.

Jane Bunts (AAP?): The govt. has spent more than you, what are you giving voters?

Roxon: It's not all about money, no point pouring billions into stupid, pointless schemes. Points out how they've spent millions on unspendable, non working dental intervention schemes in the Northern Territory, under which not a single person aged under 25 has received treatment.

Announcer: (appoints Roxon acting health minister).

Hedley Thomas, The Australian: We had promises to cut waiting lists from the State government in Queensland. That caused the Bundaberg hospital scandal. How will you avoid this happening again?

roxon: we can do more than one thing at once we're increasing pay for nurses, incentives and investing properly. thus i'm not worried about elective surgery. we're working with the states etc.

?: you've talked about ending the blame game. the nsw govt. has fucked up health etc. you haven't put back all the funding the govt. took out. why should we risk “wall to wall labor”?

Roxon: We've promised to increase the Federal contribution to the health system. It's a country-wide problem and it's the government not taking an active role in health. We have a plan to take over hospitals if they don't work, so don't worry.

(Abbott waltzes in. People clap for some odd reason.)

Abbott makes his opening statement, 20 minutes into the 'debate'.

Abbot: (Feigns contrition) Thanks for being so patient. I didn't mean to make a grand entrance. Blah blah, i'm honoured to have been health minister [let's hope it stays past-tense]. We have made the health system teh awesome. We've made the PBS fantastic (except for Bernie Banton, who can get fucked). Bashes the states. says they need better management not more money. But they will provide more money anyway, he promises. States will be compelled to add another layer of bureaucracy to collect yet more data about what they're doing. Also the old chestnut about health boards, with yet more bureaucrats. (Carefully avoids saying what's gonna happen once the new boards have 'uncovered' problems at the hospital- presumably blame the states). Starts to sound hoarse. Only the government has a credible plan, Labor are addicted to breaucracy (despite having just been trumpeting plans to create 2 new breaucracies). Blames states again. Booga booga. blathers on, someone claps but aborts (haha).

Qn, The Age: (To Nicola Roxon) You've backed away from banning junk food advertising to kids etc. How much control do you really have?

Roxon: I'm a mum, I know the effect advertising can have on kids. We're waiting for the ACMA review on advertising. Extends further than just TV advertising. Says they'll look at things in a responsible way and they'll follow ACMA reviews. talks about how they're going to support teaching kids about food etc. Says she and Rudd have a good working relationship on the issue.

Abbott: Roxon has been overruled by Rudd (attacks Labor for backing down on the ban, then proceeds to reaffirm his own opposition to a ban). It's the parents' responsibility to protect their kids from multi-billion dollar advertising campaigns.

Rhianna King, the West Australian: You backflipped on letting all hospitals be run by local boards and used evasive language to say which hospitals would actually get them.

Abbott: The buck won't stop with Kevin Rudd. The buck should stop with someone. Just not us. So we'll have local boards and blame them instead.

Roxon: Abbott has no clear plan for local boards. We spent a lot of time talking about the Mersey hospital fuck up. The Howard government has been struggling with AWAs etc. in the Mersey.

Clinton Porteus, Courier Mail: You're late, you've blundered again. Why couldn't you turn up on time?

Abbott: My campaign launch was more important.

Roxon: The government is out of touch and arrogant. Abbot wouldn't even bother planning on being places on time.

Michelle Grattan: You supported the Federal government taking over the health system. Now you no longer believe in it. Could you take us through your thought processes in your backflip?

Abbott: I always thought that the local village idiot should be running local hospitals. We're not retreating, we're attacking in a different direction.

Roxon: it's just going to be another level of bureaucracy.

Mark Merrill, SMH: John Howard said we should be proud Medicare is fair. It really isn't- it's better for rich people because of your policies. You lie?

Abbott: No, I'm not. The Safety Net is good. We've done enough. It's all the states fault. They can like our deal or lump it.

Roxon: If Howard gets back in it'll be take it or leave it instead of negotiation with the states. No partnership, no reform.

Laura Tingle: Health care agreements- are you just going to hand over money to the states? Cherry pick hospitals? Will you have extra conditions etc?

Abbott: We want to deliver the best healthcare. We're so not interested about putting hospital workers on AWAs. (Flounders desperately on the detail of his hospital board policy).

Roxon: Tony lies. He issued a public service determination to say the Mersey hospital workers wouldn't be on AWAs. Why won't he reassure workers now?

(closing statements)

Abbott: Judge this government by its record and its promises. Judge our sincerity etc. We are awesome. Good managers. We've made everything better now than it was 11 years ago when Keating had just thought it up. We'll end the blame game by starting a new one.

Roxon: You have a choice. An old government with a dodgy record, 65% of the country in workforce shortage, 1/3 of people avoid healthcare because they can't afford it [like me- I need to get my wisdom teeth out and can't afford it]. They only have a plan to force nurses on AWAs and a crappy record. We have a clear vision for the future etc. The future. Mums and dads. The buck stops with us. A real plan, not an election plan. We'll invest etc.

fin

Life's not all apples and minties

As announced yesterday, I got my braces off today. Had a morning appointment to have the brackets taken off my teeth (and the glue that held them there scraped off in a scene that felt like it was something out of a medieval torture session), followed by an afternoon appointment to have a retainer fitted.

In my case, the retainer had to include two false teeth- the reason I had braces was not because my teeth were ever crooked- it was to make room in my mouth for some titanium implants in my jaw to replace two adult teeth that never grew.

When the braces came off and I was handed over to the hygienist who polished my teeth, leaving me with what Jacob described in the comments yesterday as that 'delicious slimey feeling', and then sent me on my way with a cheery "you'll be able to eat whatever you want now!".

Little did I know the unspoken addendum to that statement was "for the next four hours or so until you come back to have your retainer fitted"!

My top retainer is one of those invisalign-style thingies that I've been horrified about ever since seeing one of my unfortunate classmates at uni wearing one that forced her to speak like Carl from the Southpark series' sister Shelley. Sort of a shlurping sound. Now, I can talk without sounding too bad, although my teeth look like tombstones (I like my little teeth- with this thing in my mouth I practically look American), but there's one little spot on the retainer where a tiny spit bubble will fly out randomly over the top when I talk. Infrequently, but with no warning. It's alarming. What if I go to see one of my lecturers and wind up spitting on them?!

Not only that, I told the orthodontist that I couldn't bite together at the back and he said something along the lines of "Oh that's right, you can't eat with it in- you'll have to take it out when you eat". Now, given that without the two false teeth I'm pretty much useless socially because (as much as I hate to admit it) I'm horribly horribly self-conscious without them, that rules out things like going out for a meal. Even if I did want to take out the retainer, pulling it out feels like I'm pulling my teeth out (the ones that are actually in my jaw!) and isn't something best done in public. Though I should add that I'm at least thankful that the promised side effect of drool going everywhere (presumably because it pools in the retainer) hasn't eventuated- except for the first time I removed the retainer and the pain caused me to salivate... I got drool down my arm! Ewww.

As if this isn't bad enough, I'm one of those people who likes to graze all day rather than having 3 set meals a day (a habit born out of the luxury of being a student at home for large parts of the day, I suppose). Which means that every time I want to eat I've got to haul that damn retainer out of my mouth. And my between- meal habit of chewing Extra has had the kibosh put on it by the 'no chew' retainer. So much for being able to eat whatever I want!

The only light at the end of the tunnel is that I've got a dentist appointment next week with the dentist who's going to do the implants and the orthodontist told me that prior to the implants being done I'll have to come in and have a partial denture made up (to be worn while the bone heals around the implants prior to the crowns going in) so I won't have to wear this damn thing for long, hopefully. The dentist said the implants can go in just a week or so after taking the braces off, so fingers crossed that will happen quickly.

The 'before' cast of my bottom teeth.

My other whinge is regarding the retainer put on my bottom teeth. Let's just get this clear: I have never had any problems with my bottom teeth- they're perfect! Both times I've had braces the orthodontists have put brackets on my bottom teeth largely to use them as anchors for elastics to move around the top teeth. So why I had to have a retainer put in is beyond me. The bizarre thing, though- get this- is it's a little piece of wire installed at the back of my bottom front teeth (invisible from the front) and bonded in a rather painful process to the teeth themselves. I was a bit alarmed by this (I had visions of receiving one of the old-style retainers with a piece of wire across the front that I could take in and out at will... I never used my first one and had no plans to use one on my bottom teeth this time around) so I asked when it would come off.

The orthodontist said to me that I should think of it as being like when someone with a broken leg gets a pin put in it and the pin just stays there- i.e. indefinitely. But... my bottom teeth weren't 'broken', dammit! And now there's these annoying little lumps of glue stuff on the back of my bottom teeth... it's sort of like having braces all over again. He said it would have to stay on for at least 3 months. The hygienist told me that some people have had theirs for years, while others have managed to detach them while eating minties or other chewy sweets. I love minties... I'm willing to give that a go and see if I can 'accidentally' detach the damn thing. Otherwise I'll just ask them to remove it at the 3 month visit. No way am I putting up with this thing for years.

The aim of the orthodontic treatment was to move the upper canine/cuspid slightly to the left, thus creating sufficient space between the roots of the front incisors and the cuspid for a titanium implant upon which to place a crown to replace the missing front lateral incisor. The same process took place on the opposite side, where there was far less room for the tooth to move, hence my damn braces staying on for over 2 years instead of just 1.

I honestly can't wait until this is all over. I hate to think what it's like for people who have the same condition as me, missing front lateral incisors (apparently it's relatively common and I'm not as special as I thought I was) who don't have parents or grandparents able to stump up the money for the 'final solution' in the form of titanium implants. God knows I'd probably never be able to afford it, and I'm so incredibly self conscious about it that even posting those pictures of my 'before' casts taken by the dentist or orthodontist makes me feel like I'm 'coming out'. Even explaining to friends who asked about my dental saga felt awkward (but much better after I did so) ... I didn't have the confidence to do that in high school, where it was practically social death to be different- I still remember having to fake being sick one time when the glue connecting the false tooth to my partial denture at the time gave way, just so I could go home and get my Mum to take it to the dentist to get fixed. It's crazy in a way, but a person's smile can have a big impact on their self esteem and also on other peoples' subconscious evaluations of them. I've even heard stories of people unable to get a job because they were missing teeth.

I don't want a Hollywood smile with glow-in-the-dark teeth. I like the normal-sized teeth I've got. I just want a full quota for a smile, and to be able to bite into apples again.

Howard ecstatic over troop-sucking opportunity

"I did but see her passing by, and yet I love her till I die"

I've been hearing on the radio all day about the incident in which the Labor candidate for the Bundaberg-based seat of Hinkler, Gary Parr, called the parents of a member of the British Army serving in Afghanistan 'war mongers'.

The only thing is, the story isn't really being reported. All that's being reported is that Parr called Tom and Rosemary Arthurs 'warmongers' and that now he's apologised. John Howard, Alexander Downer et al. are calling for Parr's head, playing the 'you hate our troops' trumpet as loudly as they can.

So what was the exchange that led to Tom and Rosemary Arthurs being called warmongers by Parr? I imagine it didn't go along the lines of the following:

T&P: Hi Mr Parr, Labor candidate for Hinkler. Our son is serving in Afghanistan!

Parr: Filthy warmongers! Away with ye!

I wouldn't presume to know what sort of words the exchange did contain, but what I do know is that simply finding the right hole and then nine months later squeezing out a baby who grows up and takes on a career in the army doesn't make a person or their views immune from criticism. Maybe Tom and Rosemary Arthurs are warmongers. Their staunch defender John Howard (who has no doubt spotted a golden political opportunity in loudly decrying Parr's comment) is himself a warmonger. Tony Blair, the man who sent British troops off to die in Afghanistan and Iraq is a warmonger.

I suppose the worst I could say of Parr given the pathetic level of information at hand is that he has showed his political inexperience by apparently responding on the level of the people aiming criticism at him rather than just smirking and having some goons haul Mr and Mrs Arthur out of the shopping centre for disagreeing with him.

Some advice, Mr Parr- next time a difficult situation arises just ask yourself, "What would Johnny do?". You could even buy one of those bracelets. Better still, buy yourself some goons- they've been marvellously effective for John Howard in dealing with people who don't like him.

Besides, Afghanistan might be John Howard's war, but the guy who the fuss is apparently all over is serving with the British forces. So who fucking cares?

Swan Costello Slapfight

Almost forgot this was on... the joys of being a student

Missed the first half hour- didn't miss much.

Long rambling question from some Government Gazette git. Karen Middleton is half asleep, don't blame her. Basically it's: what are you gonna do re: work choices?

Swan: Our system doesn't rape you up the ass... as hard.

Wormy: (doesn't really care).

Swan: blah blah productivity etc.

Costello: we've struck the right balance with WorkChoices!

(audible clunk as wormy hits the floor).

Costello: Booga booga unions, booga booga inflation. (Wormy's interest is at record lows). Back to banging on about unions, booga booga etc.

Middleton: Eden Monaro voters want spending on health etc, not tax cuts. Will you reconsider your tax cuts because a bunch of lying greedy hypocrites claim they don't want tax cuts?

Swan: No. We can have our cake and eat it too. We're endin the blame game, education revolution etc.

Wormy: Oh Wayne!

Costello: Economic future, build capacity, we will deliver it (Captain Smirk isn't doing it for wormy). Bangs on about the 1993 election and how Labor took back tax cuts 13 years ago.

Wormy: 13 years ago? I was barely legal then!

Qn (?): blah blah, debt truck, what happened with that whole debt thing? It's a bit big no?

Costello: (insert lame joke- wormy doesn't get it). We have no responsibility for the national debt (!) it's the states' fault, except for when it's good.

Wormy: jesus, I don't care.

Costello: Ok, well things are going so well we need to be in massive debt!

Wormy: Ecomanomics I know it!

Swan: Our debt is terrible, the mining boom is saving our asses.

Wormy: Oooh you make current account deficits sound sexy, Wayne!

Swan: We should be doing better and making our exports better! Blah blah, long term, the future etc. (wormy likes).

Levy, Telecrap: Leadership speculation. Tell voters what the 3 main differences will be between your govt. and a Howard govt.

Costello: Lame joke, massive smirk.

Wormy: (looks around for a paper bag).

Costello: We are a team, we make Australia strong like bull!

Wormy: (puts bag on costello's head, draws bushy eyebrows on it).

Costello: We've had our differences and we want to continue to do it. I will be exactly like john howard. Kevin Rudd me too etc. You won't have us to kick around!

Swan: Costello will rape you with uber WorkChoices, it'll be only minimum wage left!

Wormy: you sound like Kevin... I like him! They live in the past!

Coorey, smh: Why won't you fund the states? They have to resort to gambling and hookers!

Swan: We're not changing anything but the government has starved the states and played a blame game and haven't spent on infrastructure! End the blame game!

Worm: yeah, don't play games with my heart, Johnny!

Costello: We work very hard, the states have it so good!

Wormy: meh.

Costello: Labor will change the allocations! Blah blah econo-speak

Wormy: That sounded clever!

Costello: (passes the buck to the states).

Wormy: meh.

Costello: Booga booga wall to wall Labor!

Wright, The West Australian: your tax cuts are increasing inflationay pressure!! Look at NZ example. What are you doing about it?

Costello: NZ is a different country, except for being just like us.

Wormy: ???

Costello: (starts spruiking tax plan, complete with rudd-esque rhetorical questions).

Wormy: I like money!

Costello: (blathers on about how awesome he is).

Swan: Our tax cuts are staged. we need to account for the aging of the population and give people more money to vote for us! wormy: I like money!

Chick from Dow Jones: How will you make the Reserve Bank board independent?

Swan: We won't have any fundraisers on the board

Costello: (smirks) The ACTU give you money.

Qn: Do you believe the polls where lying liars say they want spending on hospitals?

Swan: No.

Costello: No. (smirks)

Wormy: They really understand my depth and value as a human being!

Clinton Porteus, Courier Mail: No one thinks you'll make a good treasurer, Swannie. Costello, you lied about interest rates. Why should we trust you?

Swan: Silly question. I have experience- I'll have more than Costello did when he started. I've talked to real people instead of smirking at pythons.

Wormy: I like him, he gets me!

Costello: Booga booga- I'm safe, he isn't. There could be danger, danger!!! Around the corner!! Bbooga booga!

Wormy: you're scary....

Andrew Green, ch 7: Has the treasury advised you if Aussie families have never been better off? And what will be different about your government, Swan?

Costello: (Dodges the question- basically admits that 'you've never been better off' came out of his ass).

Wormy: you bastard!

Swan: Rate rises, we'll start a war- no, a jihad on inflation! Costello doesn't even think there's a housing crisis!

Wormy: I'm doing it tough yo!

Swan: We look out for you, the little guy and we'll make sure that kitten prices are kept within the reach of the average allowance for a 9 year old girl!

Wormy: oooh!

Michelle Grattan: (rambling question about promises).

Costello: we always keep our promises...

Wormy: hmmm....

Costello: I'm passionate! Like rudd, see? Passion! Passionate passionate passionate!

Wormy: Ew, put your passion away.

Swan: Haha they r liars!

Wormy: lolz.

(closing statements)

Costello: I've learned life lessons handing out tax cuts. Booga booga, we're a safe pair of hands! (waves hands) Technical colleges, blah blah etc. The economy is the only important thing in the world! I can cure cancer with my economy [I shit you not he actually said words to that effect].

Wormy: wha? Still, I like you better than Howard.

Costello: (steals rudd's 'passion', coins hokey “large ambitions for a large country”).

Swan: The economy is the most important thing in the universe! It will edumacate the kids and fix the hospitals. Howard government is asleep at the wheel. (Mentions helping poor people!) The government doesn't understand you. They want to buy your vote. They suddenly care about education. Education is a core Labor value.

Wormy: mmm education...

Swan: The future, I'll invite myself to your dinners to listen to your problems and I'll end the blame game. I will build the eonomy!!!

Cut to Ray Martin ("I'm Ray Martin!). Audience wakes up and sleepily rubs eyes. Ray Martin plugs phone poll (for stupid people with lots of money, always goes Liberal).

Fielding, Minchin and Abetz circle jerk of Green hysteria

The used car salesman...

Creepy senator Eric Abetz (the one who tried to call Bob Brown a Nazi for criticising the Exclusive Brethrens crooked dealings with the Howard government) has claimed that if the Greens get the balance of power in the senate, people will flee the country:

If that were to happen Australia-wide people would have to leave the country and that's not the sort of future I want for Australia."

The pillar of the local church who's been having it off with the lady who does the flowers...

Creepy senator Nick Minchin (the one on record as saying that WorkChoices didn't go far enough in favour of big business and that the Howard government should work towards further 'reform') has said that voting for the Greens or Labor in the senate would "damage the fabric of our society and our economic prosperity". Because of all the gays on street corners offering our kids free heroin and X-rated pornography.

Of course it wouldn't damage the fabric of our society to force people to work unreasonable hours for unreasonably low pay, as the Howard government have done. No! They're all about values! And growth! Go for growth!

And the class pervert...

Creepy senator Stephen Fielding, sweating over his nutty religious anti-muslim, anti-gay party's prospects without the support of Labor preferences this time around, has been trumpeting that Teh Gays Teh Greens will be giving out free heroin and pornography. No, not that special Family First pornography, the good stuff, damn them.

...have banded together to attack the Greens party and Bob Brown, shown here with some gay, pornography-fiend-heroin-junkie who plans to vote Green.

They must be stopped!

I say the Greens will try and ensure accountability in the Senate and hopefully encourage Labor to completely overturn Howard's WorkChoices instead of the half-hearted, watered-down effort they're currently touting. The Greens will promote more spending on hospitals and education, as well as government accountability, which is something Australia has been really short of under Howard.

Hopefully the lies of Fielding and Co. will only blow up in their collective faces. It's just a shame that Fielding isn't up for re-election and we won't see his bigoted religious arse booted out of the senate for another 3 years.

National Farmers Federation hates Australian workers

Gam and I just saw this pro-WorkChoices ad by the National Farmers Federation on SBS.

The gist? Australia workers should bend over and take it up the arse from the Howard government because Australian farmers need 'flexibility'. The whole of the population should be subjected to AWAs that strip away their rights at work because farmers want to use AWAs.

And if you disagree, you must hate farmers. Think of the farmers!

Wankers.

Wedding invitations

Given that Gam and I planned to have everything to do with the wedding arranged by the end of our July break, it might seem surprising that we haven't so much as organised invitations.

Given that we're both massive procrastinators, it might not seem so surprising after all.

My lovely, talented cousin Rachelle has been helping us out with invite designs and sent us some pictures of her work. I'd like to take credit for some of it, but apart from a vague idea from me that native flowers would be nice, the work was entirely hers.

The eve of braces off...

I'm getting my braces off tomorrow! I had them 'installed' just a few days before starting this blog, and I was due to get them off in May this year but thanks to some annoying tooth movement in a crucial area it was postponed.

Once my dental saga is over (hopefully by the end of this year, or early next) I'll put up a post compete with pictures of casts of my mouth and x-rays and before and after pics... all the gory details!

Getting drunk is fun, therefore it is fine.

Letting the 'ordinary bloke' set health recommendations.

The Australian has put itself firmly on the side of the alcoholic beverage industry with an article headlined "New drinking rules 'unrealistic'".

Stating

In what is shaping as a new type of rum rebellion, specialists in alcohol treatment claim the draft limits - which recommend no more than two standard drinks a day for men and women, and none at all for adolescents under 18 and pregnant women - fail the credibility test.

The Australian claims 'at least some' alcohol experts think the new guidelines are basically a load of rubbish. In fact, they seem to have found only one, Professor Paul Haber, head of addiction medicine at Sydney University, who has apparently claimed that

the guidelines failed to balance harm from drunken accidents with the long-term enjoyment and other social benefits that many people derived from long-term moderate drinking.

Yes, so the right of people not to be killed by a drunk driver or become the victim of a drunken assault is somehow negated by the right of Australians to have fun by getting drunk. Riiight.

Not only that, we are talking guidelines set by the NHMRC under constant interference and lobbying by the alcoholic beverages industry that are, in theory, recommendations for limiting alcohol consumption based on the harm it causes to peoples' health. They are recommendations, not laws. Why should recommendations regarding the negative impact of excessive alcohol consumption on health and wellbeing (not to mention the widespread social problems it causes) take into account peoples' enjoyment? In that case why don't we legalise every drug that is 'enjoyable'?

I'd be interested to see who's funding Professor Haber's research.

The Australian also quotes Alex Wodak, chairman of the alcohol working party for the Royal Australasian College of Physicians, who said "very few Australian males ... would think a maximum of two drinks is reasonable".

No shit- we have a culture of binge drinking, where it's seen as macho to consume alcohol to excess and behave like an idiot. Any ordinary Aussie male advocating sensible drinking would probably be ribbed mercilessly about it by his mates. That doesn't negate the science, which is why the NHMRC set the guidelines, and not a panel of randomly picked yobbos from the local pub.

The piece in The Australian? That's not journalism, that's lobbying, and a load of bullshit it is too. Adam Cresswell should be ashamed of himself.

Deal between Greens and Dems good for Queensland

I was glad to hear that the Democrats in Queensland, represented by Senator Andrew Bartlett, and the Greens, have done a preference deal for the senate at the upcoming federal election. Queensland is a traditionally backward state, electing more than their fair share of redneck 'conservative' senators. Which is why it's been such rich pickings for Pauline Hanson.

Even though the Liberals and Nationals are running on a joint ticket (with the Liberals first on the ticket, of course), Nationals leader Mark Vaile denies that this will put current National Party fatcat senator Ron Boswell at risk of losing his seat. Knowing Queensland, Vaile is right, but we can dream...

Brendan Nelson, the cockroach of ideological purity

Interfered with the academic process to protect the Howard government.

From the SMH:

But two months ago, Dr Barrett, from the University of Western Sydney, and Tim Doyle, from the University of Adelaide, received letters from the ARC that appear to confirm they were among nine academics whose projects were stopped by the minister, who instituted a purge of research he believed did not advance the national interest.

Dr Nelson was the first education minister to exercise his ministerial power to stymie projects from receiving funding through the ARC, even though they had been approved by the council after extensive selection by experts in their fields.

The incident is held up as the most blatant example of the Howard Government's interference in academic freedom and consequently academics in some disciplines are avoiding or sanitising research that might be contentious.

He also established a committee, composed of a former judge, a television newsreader and the then editor of the conservative Quadrant magazine, Paddy McGuinness, in 2005 to determine whether the grants that were recommended by the council were in the national interest and deserved public funding

'National interest' by the definition of the Howard government equals their personal interests. I believe Peter Costello has used a similar excuse to prevent FOI requests for data on bracket creep that would undermine his government's claim of fantastic economic management, and John Howard used the same excuse to refuse to release the results of taxpayer-funded opinion polling on whether his taxpayer-funded pro-government WorkChoices advertising rort was succeeding in swaying public opinion to the laws.

Alas Poor Andrew Quah, I Knew Him Somewhat

a fellow of infinite malice, of most excellent lunacy: he hath
spake ill of me a thousand times; and now, how
abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rims at
it.

Andrew "But that's not my penis" Quah, candidate for the Family First Party seems to have gotten himself and his party into a spot of bother. Sarah's done a good wrap of the issue already. All I have to add is that I've actually talked to the guy online. You see, Andrew, Patrick and I all used to post on the same forum and Andrew and myself clashed several times over China and the Falun Gong and VSU/Student unionism. Suffice it to say, Mr Quah is a loon. The internets has lots of crazy but even talking to Quah then and seeing the stuff he wrote, well there obviously wasn't a party crazy enough for him till FF came along.

Quah's posts were monomaniacal ravings, laden with misogyny, violent contempt for human rights and an attitude to politics that would make Iosef Stalin look like George Washington. Little wonder then he fell in with Fielding's Freaks. He clearly had all the qualifications to run as a religious candidate, a closet full of skeletons and head full of hate. Much respect to whoever spread these pics around. They've not only ruined Crazy Quah but blown a big hole in FF's campaign this time 'round. That can only be a good thing. I mean how does a religious Tory party recover from having a candidate waving their dick around on a gay website. Sometimes bad things happen to people who deserve it. Make's you wonder what else lurks in Papa Fielding's Clan.

Click on the pics below to see what he put up. You are warned, not for nudity but for the appalling sense of pity you might feel after seeing them.





I'll leave you with Fielding's Thoughts on internet porn:

FAMILY FIRST believes we should be doing everything possible
to ban Internet Pornography and protect our children from this vile
material;

FAMILY FIRST believes Internet Pornography is a huge
community concern. Parents want a safe internet environment for
their kids yet feel powerless because we cannot be watching over
their shoulders all the time to monitor what they are seeing

Oh... so you meant LESS porn on the 'net? Shit... my bad.

I told you they were nuts!

Family First just can't get enough of the crazies! It looks like they are set to become Australia's version of the Republican Party even though they have just a single senator. Of course they've hurriedly shuffled the disgraced Andrew Quah out the back door as soon as the news hit, but the party doth protest too much, methinks.

Gam remembers Andrew Quah from his days haunting Vibewire and says that he was "absolutely nuts", so I'm going to leave it up to him to post the pictures of the man dubbed 'Australia's smallest loser', ironically by a blogger who would probably agree with a lot that Andrew Quah had to say had he not whipped out his wang and waved it around on gay websites.

Nuts.

Playboy jokes of the month

Not much happening this month... got the magazine in the mail a few weeks ago but wasn't exactly inspired by the quality of the jokes, hence the late post.

Q: What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?

A: Outlaws are wanted



A urologist asked a patient, "How would you describe your love life?"
The patient responded, "Infrequently."
The urologist asked, "Is that one word or two?"

Fun with Google Analytics

Mal Brough? Wouldn't mind a piece of that!

New keyword searches that have appeared in our Google Analytics:

Mal Brough shirtless (Seriously! Someone out there actually typed that into Google... )

Brooke Satchwell thanking sausages Bronwyn Bishop hair (that's an early one).

Do weed flavoured lollies taste good?

Cocktail cannabise (huh?)

Do exclusive brethren drink alcohol (answer: only if it's being sold by Bruce Hales)

The chaser's war on everything axed (in your dreams, John)

Our Nic does the Aria Awards

God knows what she was doing there, given she's useless as an actress and even worse as a singer. Remember that godawful duet with... was it Ewan McGregor? Or Robbie Williams? Or both? I think I scrubbed my ears out with a wire brush after seeing it on Rage one morning years ago. Unforgiveable.

Anyway, here she is with her husband Terl at the ARIA awards tonight:

Oops, sorry, that's Delta Goodrem, not Mr Kidman.

To give it back, or to buy designer clothes?

This little piece on Pauline Hanson's reaction to the news that No Pokies MP Nick Xenophon has decided to return a proportion of all donations over $100 using the taxpayer's money allocated by the AEC to candidates who receive a certain number of votes made me laugh:

Nick Xenophon, the quixotic non-smoker former state MP standing as an independent for a South Australian Senate seat, plans to destroy the basis of democracy, the political donation.

He wants to return Commonwealth electoral funding to supporters who gave him money to campaign.

Political parties were in shock yesterday. Pauline Hanson was incensed: she even slammed down the phone when we informed her of Xenophon's proposal to return a proportion of all donations over $100.

As you will remember, Hanson pocketed a cool $200 000 of taxpayers' money just by standing for the senate at the last election.

Touchy subject, I suppose, for someone who's always bitching about 'abos' and 'teh african menace' bludging off the Australian taxpayer.

Represent!

Mikey has a hilarious post on Joe Hockey's foot in mouth episode where he admitted that the government is running a fear campaign. Mikey makes some great suggestions as to how John Howard might achieve a representative coalition government, seeing as Howard is so keen on pointing out the union speck in Labor's eye of late:

"But less than an hour later, Mr Hockey was much more forthcoming, saying that if Labor was to be representative of the community only 20 per cent of frontbenchers should be trade union members."

[...]

The number of Lawyers in Oz? Well according to this snapshot there's around 94,000 people employed in the legal system in Oz. And there's about I think 16 lawyers in the Coalition ministry. So 94,000 divided by 21,000,000 (which we know from the truly fucking awesome citizenship test is the approx pop of Oz) means 0.4% of the population are involved in the legal profession - which extrapolated against a cabinet of 30 results in this 16 being alas reduced to 0.13%. Which, as luck would have it would probably be the mass of a single human head - let's be fair and let them decide who it's going to be.

More here.

It's Like TeeVee On The Internets

We'll be doing weekly lazy YouTube posts each weekend when people selfishly stop visiting and go live their lives. Here's a few good ones.

Search For A Scapegoat: Gay Marriage Edition


Targeting young single voters


Keating Goodness


What Happened Last Week?


Does My Ass Look Short In This?

Uncultured French culture ministry refuses to return Maori head.

An integral part of French culture...

It's not often that France appears to be a particularly backward country, but in the case of the French culture ministry stepping in to prevent the return of a mummified Maori head to New Zealand I think 'backward' is about the politest word that could be used to describe the case:

The authorities in Rouen insist that the Maori head is a body part, not a work of art, and that according to France’s bioethics law it must be returned to its place of origin.

“This object reflects the barbaric trafficking in body parts, the belief that another race was inferior to ours,” said Catherine Morin-Desailly, Rouen’s deputy mayor for culture and a senator, who proposed the return of the head. “It belongs to the heritage of humanity, not in storage somewhere in a museum.”

[...]

Since 1992, the Te Papa Tongarewa, New Zealand’s national museum in Wellington, has made requests for all Maori remains to be returned from around the globe, as part of a project to restore some dignity to the dead. The museum tries to identify and hand over the remains to the tribes and ideally to allow for proper burials.

Museums in more than two dozen institutions have complied, but the Rouen initiative would be the first for France.

[...]

In recent days, Christine Albanel, the culture minister, won a ruling from a local court to stop the process to return the tattooed head. Calling for a process to “guarantee the integrity of our national heritage,” she warned of “heavy repercussions” for France’s other collections.

[...]

Stéphane Martin, the director of the Quai Branly museum, agreed with the ministry that the head should stay in France.

“From my point of view, they are cultural artifacts that had a function in society,” he said. “Sending back these artifacts to New Zealand, and destroying them by burying them is a way of erasing a full page of history.”

The attitudes of Martin and Albanel are disgusting. What right does France have to a Maori head? What right does Martin have to say that the Maori have less of a right to bury their dead than the French?

This is so offensive it's unbelievable. Of course, the New York Times article takes a particularly anti-French tone (it seems that the US media will look for any excuse to do so), while noting as a brief aside that "The American Museum of Natural History in New York has more than 30 Maori heads." but that doesn't make the actions of the French government any more legitimate. As if the return of remains belonging to another people and another culture poses any threat whatsoever to France's 'national heritage'. Ugh.

Barley Legal fails to satisfy

According to Google Analytics, in the last month we have had 21 visits to the link for Barley Legal. This isn't a lot, but what distinguishes Barley Legal from the rest of the pages visited is the average amount of time spent by each visitor on the page:

00:00:09

9 seconds.

The bounce rate (i.e. people who leave the blog altogether after viewing that page):

95.24%


I get the feeling they didn't find what they were looking for...

'Diary' entry- the end of an era

Perhaps a tad melodramatic, the title, but my friend Nicole pointed out to me during this afternoon's microbiology lecture that today was my last day as an undergraduate.

What took me so long?

Look! I'm turning into Kevin Rudd and asking myself questions so that I can answer them!

What took me so long was a lack of direction. I never really had a clear idea of what I want to do in life and I kind of fell into Arts five years ago when my first-choice uni courses of journalism and nutrition were placed out of reach by my relatively shithouse HSC marks (85, for any hapless HSC students who stumble across this blog while wondering what to do with their lives). At the time I had no idea that you could change degrees at the drop of a hat and I could have gone into either journalism or nutrition after the end of my first year at uni. Instead, after having discovered in my first semester of arts that journalism would have turned me into a self-hating fraud, I aimlessly decided to focus my efforts on learning Mandarin. I'd always wanted to learn it. Never wanted a career in it, but I seemed to be good at it.

When I hit my second year of Mandarin (or was it my third? I dropped back to part time for a semester when I realised that working 30 hours a week was totally incompatible with studying full time) I took a subject called 'Nutrition, Food and Society' as an elective. It's probably the best subject I've ever done, run by one of UQ's best lecturers (although I'm not sure whether UQ realises what a gem they have on their hands- she's not even a 'Dr' yet, let alone a professor).

I slogged it out at Mandarin for another semester or two, but my heart wasn't in it. I knew I'd have to go and live in China for a while in order to gain fluency, and I knew that would entail being separated from Gam for a minimum of a couple of months. I knew there was no way I could do it. I also wasn't particularly inspired by the idea of teaching Mandarin or becoming a translator. I just wanted to be able to speak and read the language, not to live and breathe it. What had inspired me was Lisa's subject, with its fascinating textbook that covered so many issues to do with society, food and nutrition- the environment, health, obesity, body image and self esteem, and Lisa's way of looking at things from perspectives I had never really considered before... it struck me as being both a rich subject and an incredibly relevant one. Everyone eats, after all. I'd always been interested in the aspect of nutrition most familiar to the general public- the nutrient components of food. I hadn't realised there was such a lot more to it.

Knowing that I was getting toward the end of my arts degree and wouldn't be eligible for another HECS place to do nutrition once I finished it, I switched to a bachelor of applied science in food science and nutrition. It hasn't been the ideal degree, given that it compels students who are primarily interested in nutrition to complete subjects that are more relevant to food technology students who want to work in a factory someday, but it's been enough to keep me more than interested and give me some idea at least of where I'm heading in life.

And now, but for a couple of exams, I'm finished.

In keeping with my tendency to drift on life's currents, I hadn't made any firm plans other than to enquire about doing honours next year and also see what jobs were available. Then something washed up in the form of my nutrition lecturer this semester, who emailed me to say she thought I had good potential for further study, and would I like to discuss it further? Of course I said yes, and today I met with her to discuss. She's offered to be my supervisor for honours, or to be joint supervisor with someone else, and to find some more information on what sort of projects would be available.

She added a caveat to her confidence in my abilities, specifically regarding my ability in statistics. Is it written on my forehead that I'm crap at statistics? The maths itself has never bothered me, but the statistics subject that's compulsory for my degree gave me nightmares- both the almost unintelligible Ukrainian lecturer and her beloved Minitab programme. I failed the Minitab section of that course because I simply stopped doing it- I'd been spending hours and hours on tasks that equated to 1% of the overall course mark. But for my relentless efforts to ace the final exam I would have failed the subject. The rest of the uni and the civilised world use SPSS, and if I were to do honours I would be expected to know how to use SPSS. Why, then, were we not taught using SPSS?

*waves fist*

Luckily for me, Gam has pretty extensive experience with SPSS and my lecturer doesn't foresee any problems. The main thing is finding something that I can stay interested in for a whole year.

And then there's the matter of finding a supervisor. The lecturer who has offered to supervise me is tough. She's a very tough marker and is a very no-nonsense sort of person. She mentioned today her disapproval of students who desire 'cookbook instructions' for completing their work. She's also had some involvement in some pretty important research. On the other hand, I think I mentioned at the beginning of semester that her lectures were boring me to tears. The only lecturer I had been considering asking to supervise me was my favourite lecturer, Lisa.

The thing is, I'm a very independent worker and I don't require 'cookbook instructions' to get something done. On the other hand, I get nervous about asking for help when I actually need it. I work best when there are high expectations set for me, but I tend to prevaricate over asking for assistance. I just wonder whether I'd be more likely to prevaricate over asking for assistance from someone who seems like she might have very high expectations of me and might be less tolerant if I have an 'oh duh' moment and need to ask a bunch of dumb questions. On the other hand there's the likelihood that Lisa will be in high demand from students wanting her to be their supervisor, whereas this lecturer is new and likely to have fewer students placing demands on her time.

Anyway, I suppose I should concentrate on passing my remaining two exams so I can finally say I have a degree and then worry about all this crap. I just want to be careful about my choices, because while a couple of our friends (Niall and Sophie) have completed their honours years just fine, my cousin had a bad experience because the projects available in her faculty really didn't suit her interests and although she went ahead and started honours she wound up dropping out. Plus her boyfriend, also doing honours at the same uni, has had a horror ending to his year with several crucial experiments not working out. All in different fields to mine, but I suppose this just adds to my fears that something could go wrong in what I've been warned by lecturers is a really tough year. So I want to get things right before I start.

I wonder when I'll feel like I've really finished?

Take that, Mum!

Good news. I'm not just a lazy scruff who can't be bothered making the bed in the morning. There's now a serious scientific reason for not doing so!

Research suggests that while an unmade bed may look scruffy it is also unappealing to house dust mites thought to cause asthma and other allergies.

A Kingston University study discovered the bugs cannot survive in the warm, dry conditions found in an unmade bed.

Researcher Dr Stephen Pretlove said: "We know that mites can only survive by taking in water from the atmosphere using small glands on the outside of their body.

"Something as simple as leaving a bed unmade during the day can remove moisture from the sheets and mattress so the mites will dehydrate and eventually die."

Of course, having written this, I've got a snowflake's chance in hell of ever getting any kids of ours to make their bed...

People love Howard. No, really!

Looks like Howard will be needing goons in boats-
this guy called Howard a 'bloody arsehole'.

From the SMH:

If you really push me, I've been hugged more than I've been heckled," Mr Howard told Southern Cross Broadcasting in Melbourne, adding "That's why I have six goons constantly by my side, to prevent the hecklers from getting through."

OK, I made that last bit up, but it's got more truth to it than Howard's claim that he wasn't crotchetty and didn't lose his temper during the debate against Kevin Rudd:

"I didn't think I was being cranky. I was passionate and emphatic," he said.

Ha. He lost it. It was hilarious.

Howard, fearing hecklers, flees media

Looks like the regular heckling from ordinary people on his morning display walk has been getting to John Howard. Even his goons haven't been able to prevent average joes from letting him know exactly what they think of him in full view of the trailing media, so this morning Howard had his people lie to the media and set them up to wait for Howard in a hotel lobby at 7am. Howard and his goons then ducked out before the media arrived, leaving them to give chase:

On Friday morning, journalists were told by Mr Howard's minders to assemble in the hotel where they were staying at 7am (WST) to join the walk, but the prime minister had already left.

Reporters then sprinted in the direction they believed Mr Howard was walking and police became involved, demanding identification from one journalist.

A very telling episode, this.

The Recession We Have To Have

The Government's re-election pitch is "go for growth", and Mr Costello said Australians seemed to have forgotten that recessions every decade or so were the "normal" state of affairs.

"It is almost as if people have become so used to growth that they think a recession can't happen in this country. I don't believe that the business cycle is defeated. At some point the business cycle will turn down, no doubt about it.

"We don't want people to think that recessions have been abolished in this country."

SMH

Oh, the irony! Besides wasn't Howard saying the economic boom would never end just the other day?

We Fail It

Australia's hospital system has been given an 'F' for failure by the Australian Medical Association, which is blaming state and federal governments.

The AMA identified systems breakdowns and personal tragedies in public hospitals that it said were endangering patient care right across the country in its Public Hospital Report Card 2007.

"Our hard-working doctors and nurses are being let down by a lack of proper funding and resources and poor management," said AMA President, Dr Rosanna Capolingua, who released the findings today outside Sydney's Royal North Shore Hospital, which has been the target of allegations of poor care.

...

In other findings, the report criticised long waiting lists and said fewer than two-thirds of urgent emergency department patients were being seen within "clinically appropriate times".

More than half a million Australians go to an emergency department each year with symptoms such as moderately severe blood loss, persistent vomiting and dehydration but were not seen within 30 minutes, which is the clinical benchmark.

Dr Capolingua said: "This should not be happening in 21st century Australia."

AAP reports: Commonwealth funding must be increased and state management improved, Dr Capolingua said.

"Patients are suffering because of the failures of all governments," she said.

"Commonwealth funding needs to be increased and state management and accountability must be dealt with.

SMH

That's what you're playing with when you vote. The fact that your choice might mean that someone you care about will be that much more likely to go into a hospital and not come out. Forget the bullshit fear campaign, this ought to really scare you. While state governments have obvious problems managing health it should be plain to all but the most stupid that effective management is impossible without adequate funding. This is even more significant when we consider that the federal contribution to health has been declining over the past decade or so. State governments are administering the slow death of a service starved of federal funds.