1 year

Today, we've been married for one year. More importantly, we've been together for nearly 7 years... and it's all been good. For me, the milestone I'm looking forward to isn't 10 years of marriage or 10 years together, it's 18 years together. That's the point at which I will have spent half my life with Gam and I'll be able to say I have lived half my life as happy as any person can ever be. I'm so lucky to have him :)

Sad

(click for larger image)

Sarah told me the other day that she's aware of the occasional nasty looks we get, particularly from older people, because we're a mixed 'race' couple. I'd always sort of hoped that she didn't notice this ugly phenomenon, so I'd never asked her. It's a bit depressing that the person you love is exposed to hostility from people who don't know either of us because I was born looking different from them. Well I suppose it's depressing and infuriating because I can't do anything about it and it's my fault just for being with her. I can deal with it when it happens to me, because I'm used to it. I've dealt with it my whole life. You would be surprised at the number of people who think it's ok to stare at you or who recoil in fear at the sight of you just because you are a different colour to them. You would be further surprised at the number of people who think nothing of yelling things at you for the same reason. There are even people who've commented here to leave racist slurs, they don't know me, I don't know them, but somehow being black exudes a magical field that tells people 'hey, you can say whatever you like to me.' It's as if they feel I'm getting some devastating news. 'Ha! you are black!' Yes, I've noticed. Statistics show 9 out of 10 black people already know or suspect that they are in fact black. I'm not sure what exactly they think I should with this news, perhaps notify my insurance company or something.

The idea that well padded mortgage belters and retirees would look at the woman I'm married to and see a race-traitor would be hilariously absurd if it weren't so terrifyingly real. Though we like to think that racism is a problem of the dark past, it lives right here in St Lucia and Toowong too. I'd always hoped that in my lifetime we would reach a point where I'd never have to explain to my kids what the various racist insults they'd heard were or why someone treated them a certain way for reasons that aren't obvious to them. It's rather apparent that this will never happen. They'll have to be warned and get the same explanations I got about why certain friends wouldn't visit our house or hang out with me once they'd reached a certain age, despite visiting almost every day. Like my parent's told me, I'll have to tell them not to hate in their turn, that the behaviour of others to you isn't an excuse or a legitimate reason to emulate that behaviour towards others. That even though other people think you are all the same it's not ok for you to think that back to them, despite what 'evidence' you think you have seen. That part is pretty important. Hate can corrupt its targets as much as it corrupts the emanator.

I, like most people, don't like talking about stuff like this because of the ever present, 'you didn't actually experience what you thought you experienced' or 'maybe you're just too sensitive' feedback you get from some people. Surely it must have been something else, and besides, everyone's prejudiced. Yes, everyone is prejudiced but I've never been cruel to someone because of what they looked like. I don't stare at people in public shopping centres like I want security to drag them away so I can continue to shop in racial purity. I react to people by their behaviour towards me, not because of how they look. And yes, there are lots of old people who see us and smile and yet more people who just mind their own fucking business and get on with their lives. I'm not talking about them. To the rest, I don't know you, I don't take a deep and abiding interest in you, who your partner is or anything else about you. Why don't you return the sentiment?

Valentine's Day

Is a load of crap I know. Though we got our marriage certificate in the mail today and seeing Sarah's uncle and our good friend Amelia as witnesses on it was pretty special. I'm glad we didn't just get our parents to do it. Anyone getting married, don't plan this, just wait till the celebrant whispers that you need two witnesses and canvass for volunteers.

See kids, no matter what the kids at school say, you're not bastards!

Today was the first valentine's day since we got married so I thought I'd do something special for Sarah so I made her dinner, garlic bread, fried rice with octopus, prawns, mahi mahi and calamari marinated in sambal olek, harissa, coriander, garlic and sweet soy sauce, and ice cream terrine for desert. I'd never made ice cream terrine before, I don't do many desserts so I went for a double layer terrine. Top layer was cookies and cream ice cream with cheese cake marbled through it, the bottom layer was vanilla with two kinds of chocolate and cherry crumble mixed in.

I'm calling this 'Anarchy in the UK'

I would have had everything ready, but Sarah came home early (yay) but I wasn't done yet (boo). So I sat her down and we had garlic bread and cham-pagun (Pol Roger brut 1998 I think, excellent bang for your buck and easy to polish off a bottle) [and had a DOA4 tournament! And won an equal number of games without either of us letting the other win! -S] . Then we went outside and had more cham-pagun (yum) while I did the fish on the barbie. It's nice to actually stir fry on a surface that's actually hot enough. Normally I have to do it on a weak hob and the food goes from sizzling to soup in no time. I hate it and one day I'll have a proper multi burner hob... on the other hand it's relatively easy to do fried rice on a bbq.

seafood fried rice, yes I just made that up, why?

We vegged out and finished off the cham-pagun, a good day, I think.

Respect

the red-carpet treatment

roll out the red carpet - to give an important person a special welcome. She was given the red-carpet treatment in Japan where her books are extremely popular.

Ok, our wedding's not a huge deal, but it's important to us. It's also important to me, not for reasons of silly posturing or keeping up with other people but because Sarah's a bloody awesome woman and I'm lucky to be getting hitched to her. Because I think she's the most fantastic person ever I think she should have a red carpet (possibly the ribboned chairs too). Unfortunately, Sarah thinks this is all wank. To which I say, yes, yes it is. Total wank. But it's wank for you, and when it comes to you nothing is too wanky. She deserves cham-pagn pyramids and hot air balloon rides and a horse drawn carriage, the whole lot.

As it is she won't let me wait for her to arrive at the, well, whatever the place is where the groom waits with the marry-ist and then the bride shows up etc. This is kind of important because it's a sign of respect. I respect Sarah and that's just how I was brought up. When we go out I see that she's seated first, etc. (which she bears with good humour because she's awesome like that). It's just a small way to show that I think she graces me with her presence. Of course, she doesn't agree so she's made me write this post to argue my case. For the practical minded, a red carpet also means one won't slip on duck crap and ruin an expensive dress. Right, I think it's pretty conclusive, for the reasons I've outlined, that she should totally go for the red carpet, and the ribboned chairs.

Books we've read in 2008

You don't have to be literate to be sexy, but it helps.

Here's a list of books we've read in 2008 (to be continuously updated). Inspired by MB's list and my resolve to read more books now I'm not at uni. I've linked to the libraries Australia entries for each book, where available. If you want to buy them, consider shopping at your local independent bookshop.

1. Conn Iggulden: Wolf of the Plains (G)
2. Erik Durschmied: The Hinges of Battle (S)(G)
   

Dead or Alive 4

When playing DoA4 against your male partner, suddenly and loudly realising you also have large, distracting jiggling ah... bosoms of your own is considered CHEATING and is a practice engaged in by cheating cheaters who cheat.

Also it's surprisingly fun to force your opponent to endure being sat on by a hairy biker, muahahaha, sniff that t'aint!

Football

Roger Milla

Most African children can measure their lives in football matches. I am no different. This match was played in 1990, 17 years ago. I was 8 at the time and the match took place a week before my birthday. Cameroon had done what no other African side had done at the world cup, reach the quarter finals. It was a huge deal and the continent practically stopped for the next match against England. When Cameroon scored to go 2-1 my Dad jumped out of his chair and ran out of the house screaming, "Camerooooooon!" I'll never forget it. My dad isn't known for outbursts like that and the occasion was even more special because it was one of the rare times we got to spend together just being father and son. That night was when I became a real football fan. Here's the first half highlights, probably taken from someone's VHS, not ours, we didn't have one yet.



Thanks for that, YouTube.

Ten years later Cameroon made Sarah a real football fan, when they beat Spain to win gold at the 2000 Sydney Olympics.



Thanks for that, Cameroon.