Sad

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Sarah told me the other day that she's aware of the occasional nasty looks we get, particularly from older people, because we're a mixed 'race' couple. I'd always sort of hoped that she didn't notice this ugly phenomenon, so I'd never asked her. It's a bit depressing that the person you love is exposed to hostility from people who don't know either of us because I was born looking different from them. Well I suppose it's depressing and infuriating because I can't do anything about it and it's my fault just for being with her. I can deal with it when it happens to me, because I'm used to it. I've dealt with it my whole life. You would be surprised at the number of people who think it's ok to stare at you or who recoil in fear at the sight of you just because you are a different colour to them. You would be further surprised at the number of people who think nothing of yelling things at you for the same reason. There are even people who've commented here to leave racist slurs, they don't know me, I don't know them, but somehow being black exudes a magical field that tells people 'hey, you can say whatever you like to me.' It's as if they feel I'm getting some devastating news. 'Ha! you are black!' Yes, I've noticed. Statistics show 9 out of 10 black people already know or suspect that they are in fact black. I'm not sure what exactly they think I should with this news, perhaps notify my insurance company or something.

The idea that well padded mortgage belters and retirees would look at the woman I'm married to and see a race-traitor would be hilariously absurd if it weren't so terrifyingly real. Though we like to think that racism is a problem of the dark past, it lives right here in St Lucia and Toowong too. I'd always hoped that in my lifetime we would reach a point where I'd never have to explain to my kids what the various racist insults they'd heard were or why someone treated them a certain way for reasons that aren't obvious to them. It's rather apparent that this will never happen. They'll have to be warned and get the same explanations I got about why certain friends wouldn't visit our house or hang out with me once they'd reached a certain age, despite visiting almost every day. Like my parent's told me, I'll have to tell them not to hate in their turn, that the behaviour of others to you isn't an excuse or a legitimate reason to emulate that behaviour towards others. That even though other people think you are all the same it's not ok for you to think that back to them, despite what 'evidence' you think you have seen. That part is pretty important. Hate can corrupt its targets as much as it corrupts the emanator.

I, like most people, don't like talking about stuff like this because of the ever present, 'you didn't actually experience what you thought you experienced' or 'maybe you're just too sensitive' feedback you get from some people. Surely it must have been something else, and besides, everyone's prejudiced. Yes, everyone is prejudiced but I've never been cruel to someone because of what they looked like. I don't stare at people in public shopping centres like I want security to drag them away so I can continue to shop in racial purity. I react to people by their behaviour towards me, not because of how they look. And yes, there are lots of old people who see us and smile and yet more people who just mind their own fucking business and get on with their lives. I'm not talking about them. To the rest, I don't know you, I don't take a deep and abiding interest in you, who your partner is or anything else about you. Why don't you return the sentiment?