My Mum ambushed me with a phone call from my Grandma. I suppose she couldn't very well say no if Grandma came in and asked her to phone me so she could talk. I'm on the phone right now. Goddammit. To her credit, Mum has been intervening every time Grandma starts to voice her 'concerns' about me marrying Gam.
Right now she's raving on about the second coming. No shit. Somehow- I'm not really grasping the link- it relates to our marriage!
The main theme of the phone call has been 'God's Will', and whether it's God's Will that Gam and I get married or whether God himself might intervene and stop the marriage (I told Mum earlier I could handle Grandma myself and actually stopped Grandma at this point and told her that the very implication that Gam and I should be split up by an act of god was offensive- she replied "Oh, is it? Oh I'm so sorry" and kept going into little sniffles). That's the weird thing about this all- she's so deranged that she believes she's acting as a messenger from god. I'm not kidding- she even said she received a message from God. It doesn't enter her head for a minute that she's actually doing something horrible. That's why it's impossible to hate her or even experience more than just frustration and annoyance this nonsense- she's just stupid, naive, deranged, whatever you like to call it, but not malicious.
Mum or Dad obviously just decided I've endured enough and just tried to rescue me by pushing buttons on the other phone to make Grandma (not very technologically savvy) believe that the phone was making beeping noises because it was about to go flat. She started to wind it up, but forgot that she was supposed to hang up and launched into another sermon on this book on the second coming (she tends to say the same thing over and over), so Dad clearly got the other phone and did something to it to make the signal go all funny so Grandma and I couldn't hear each other properly. I was laughing out loud by this point, but Grandma was so engrossed in her sermon that she didn't notice.
Even with the 'God's Will' thing she had her bases covered. I tried to point out that if god didn't really want the marriage to go ahead then we wouldn't be getting married in the first place, and she said "Oh no, we have free will as well, so we can do things that are against God's Will". So in her mind, no matter what happens, our marriage will be against God's Will. Personally, I worry that if anything bad happens, such as if Gam were to be hit by a car in the next month, she will believe that he was struck down by God in an effort to thwart the marriage...
Unsurprisingly, she also took time to lament the fact that we're not having "God's representative" (i.e. a priest) perform the wedding ceremony... I pointed out to her that Gam's own parents are also disappointed by this fact and that if we had an Anglican ceremony we'd have to have a Catholic one as well. Even that wasn't enough to scare Grandma- she has clearly decided that any religion is better than no religion!
I also told her I wasn't going to Kempsey for Christmas- Gam and I have told everyone we're staying in Brisbane for Christmas (well, I told Grandma
I'm staying in Brisbane for Christmas)- she offered to fly me down and pay any expenses entailed. I can see right through that- all she wants is to be able to sermonise at me the whole time in a last ditch attempt to convince me not to marry Gam. Does she really think that a marriage is entered into so lightly that someone would give it up at the entreaties of another person? Gah!
Gam at one point came in and reminded me of the story my Dad likes to tell of when my Mum and Dad decided to get married and drove up to Kempsey to tell Grandma and Granddad, Granddad was absolutely fine with it... then ominously said "Now we'll have to go and tell the women" (referring to Grandma and Grandma's unmarried sister who lived with them). Grandma shrieked "You can't marry my daughter!", which was echoed by Auntie Clarrie with a "You can't marry her daughter!"... When I mentioned this fact to Grandma in light of my parents relatively successful marriage (25 years and counting, not that staying married in itself is an indication of a strong marriage), Grandma said she had a reason for not wanting Dad to marry Mum, but conspiratorially said that she couldn't tell me over the phone and that I'd have to come to Kempsey so she could tell me. Ha! I didn't think Grandma had a devious bone in her body! But it was a pretty transparent attempt at getting me to come to Kempsey for Christmas. Geez.
Honestly, I would love nothing more than to tell Grandma that we've been living together and for her to just deal with it. Mum is always worrying that if Grandma finds out she'll write me out of her will. While Mum is concerned for our financial future, I've always found the idea of waiting for someone to die in order to get a bit of their money rather distasteful. Not that I wouldn't like to have more money, but I don't believe in compromising principles for monetary gain. The reason I've been able to hold my tongue (and despite the bucketloads of evidence, Grandma wouldn't believe we're living together unless someone actually said it to her face) is because her constant sermonising and nagging makes Mum's life hell... and if she found out it would be somehow Mum's fault for 'letting' it happen.
Grandma finished up by saying that she loved me and she would support me and do anything for me- all reasonably true. I replied by saying that if she would do anything for me then all I would ask is that she be happy on our wedding day, at which she sounded surprised and said "Oh, I
will be, dear!".
So, er, what was all that about, again?