Actually, it's a yawn...
6:30am: Switch off alarm
7:13am: Drag self out of bed
7:20am: Make coffee and switch on dishwasher
7:43am: Wake husband, belatedly realise he's now running late and that making coffee and switching on dishwasher somehow took 23 minutes.
8:00am: Make porridge, switch on kettle for cup of tea
8:10am: Wave Gam off to work for the day.
8:12am: Put tea on to brew
8:14am: Sit down with bowl of porridge
8:15am: Put down porridge to attend to hungry baby whose nappy desperately needs changing. Opt for feeding first in order to avert baby-rage.
8:45am: Place baby on change-table, remove nappy. Bath baby, return to change-table.
8:51am: Baby poos on towel.
8:52am: Pick up baby in pooey towel, walk to cupboard and get clean towel.
8:54am: Drop pooey towel on bathroom floor. Bathe baby for the 2nd time. Try and leave nappy off for a few minutes, worried baby is getting nappy rash.
8:59am: Hear knock on door from Solarhart sales rep. Hurriedly put nappy on baby, no time for clothes.
9:00am: Rush to door holding cold baby clad only in a nappy. Greet Solarhart dude.
9:01am: Wrap baby in blanket, sit down to discuss quote with Solarhart dude.
9:05am: Notice that one of the cats has vomited up a hairball under the table very close to where Solarhart dude's foot is resting. Hope that Solarhart dude doesn't move his foot or look under table.
9:15am: Cringe as Solarhart dude ducks his head to fetch documents from his bag. Sigh with relief as he doesn't bend far enough to notice cat vomit near his foot.
9:30am: Thank Solarhart dude for his time, rush hungry and impatient baby back to bed for feed, as there is zero chance baby will wait to be dressed without deciding to yell.
10:15am: Baby falls asleep. Put pooey towel in to wash. Head to kitchen to reheat porridge. Despair at cold cup of tea sitting on bench.
10:21am: Eat porridge. Email husband to make sure he got to work ok, express optimism that there may be time to finish some chores this morning...
10:31am: Finish porridge. Restless baby awakes with gas pains.
10:32am: Soothe baby.
10:45am: Nappy change.
10:51am: Feed baby.
11:10: Carry baby out to living room to determine why cat is whinging. Witness cat bum-scooting along floor; a giant poo clings to cat's woolly backside.
11:11am: Fling open front door, let one cat inside, boot bum-scooting cat out; no chance of picking up cat to remove poo-dags, as arms are full of baby.
11:12am: Hurry back to bedroom to settle baby, keeping an eye out to avoid stepping in streaks of poo. Sob inwardly.
11:13am: Realise that there's not just poo to clean up- also cat vomit, forgotten earlier.
11:16am: Interrupt cleaning to re-settle baby, who professes to be hungry again. While feeding, begin writing self-pitying blog post. Realise that cold tea is still sitting on kitchen bench alongside drink bottle and have not had a drink all morning. Feel like dying of thirst. Think about catching cat to remove poo dags from furry bottom and feel like dying full stop.
11:34am: Baby dropped off to sleep minutes ago. Realise am now just procrastinating cleaning up of cat vomit and am still dying of thirst... Realise also that entire morning has just disappeared without having got a single thing done.
2 comments:
"Rush to door holding cold baby clad only in a nappy. Greet Solarhart dude
Why were you clad only in a nappy?
Was the Solarhart dude surprised you had only a nappy on?
LOL. That's just far too accurate a description of motherhood... I pretty much seemed to lose months not achieving anything, and even now that the feeding and nappy changing has slowed down somewhat (boy do I not miss those explosive every five minute poos), I still don't seem to find time! Still find cold tea everywhere!
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